4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. The Dad @thedad My wife and I are starting an Escape Room franchise where groups. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. me: are you talking about a BOILED egg. Is 14 too early to plan the wedding? Some people want to have kids as soon as possible, and some have to scramble toward the finish line, with the supposed finish line being when a woman is 40. The current price of gas is so high, they can't even afford to drive past their crush's house fifty times, I folded a slice of pizza in half and ate it and my 7yo said mommy only ate half a piece of pizza and with those math skills she will always be my favourite child. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. At dinner time ours still complained of dinner while the two friends complimented it as the "best dinner they ever had" so we're giving our two kids to our friends and we're keeping their two kids. My 7yo asked Tessas parents if they drive dead people around. Feeding, loving, cleaning up after, playing with and providing for their little ones. Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins. Believe it or not, we're at the end of 2022. I hope all parents reading this have had a great 2023 so far. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Find out what flavor of ice cream your kids hate and learn to love it. My 5-year-old out of nowhere, "so I didn't get that promotion." Her comedic timing was perfect. Took kids swimming and there were loads of people there. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. 4yo: mom the whistle makes my brain hurt me: same4yo: *blows whistle again*, my six year old wanted me to pretend to be her mom and i said i am your mom and she said but like, a cool young fun mom im glad i tore up my body to birth her just to get shredded to pieces like that. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) - Memebase - Funny Memes The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) One of the most prominent stereotypes about parents is that once someone has kids, something shifts in their brain that makes them feel like the most esoteric bearer of ancient, once unknown knowledge. Feb 4, 2022, 12:47 PM EST. My 6yo just told me he's 1000 years old and not really human. To be a parent or to not be a parent. Expectant Parent:Me: Don't worry, you'll learn. I took a picture of a kid's chest x-ray to show the family (he had pneumonia). 4. Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. If you are a mom it means sometimes you feel bad about throwing away sticks. My mom, looking at the baby: oh my gosh! I always wished I had dimplesMy kid: but you do have dimples! Had I upset her? And can I visit for a week or two? my 9 and 7 yo each had a friend sleep over this weekend. I panicked and said "Let's talk about where babies come from". Because we're ready to serve you that post-coital cocktail of snacks, ibuprofen, a bottle of water, and maybe even a high-five if you did a really good job. 50 Funniest Parenting Memes + Tweets This Week by Chris Illuminati April 8, 2022 Comments 0 Welcome to another installment of " parents about to lose their shit" better known as the funniest parenting memes & tweets of the week. 75 of the Funniest Tweets on the Internet Kelly Kuehn Updated: Jan. 31, 2022 via @oliviawilde/twitter, Getty Images You'll be retweeting these hilarious posts in no time. No word, no hug, not even a wave. Jan 13, 2023, 03:53 PM EST. Kelsey Borresen 12/28/2022. I told him to eat my shorts cause that's hella whack home skillet. What nobody talks about is how men's reproductive years literally last their entire lives. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Him: Im still Canaan mommy but I need lotion. My 4-year-old says the wrong name for many things. Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 9, 2022. Janene. Parenting funny tweets tweets of the week best parenting tweets. Expectant Parent: What's it like being a parent?Me: Have you ever wrestled an alligator covered in vaseline? At only 17 he has already achieved the dental joke dream Ive been striving to reach for 46 years. I can't wait until the kids get home to try this tactic again. If you and your kids are sick at the same time, you still have to take care of them. Once they finally locate and open it, its just going to be filled with everything they made me out of sticks and cardboard in elementary school. When my daughter was 7 years-old she once interrupted a bedtime story to tell me, In a pie-eating contest, it doesnt matter if you win or lose because you get to eat pie. I think about that a lot. Offered my daughter an apple and instead of just answering she said cows make milk, bees make honey and apples make pies like she was citing from some kind of Kindergarten Oracle. Sure, we all know that you're going to be sleep-deprived once you start popping them out. She thought station wagons were hearses. Welcome back! Sorry I didnt make mashed potatoes. School emails be like:Welcome to X Elementary! A rock where there are no children? Part of HuffPost Parenting. A mom friend texted me AT 9PM to see if I wanted to go for a drink THAT SAME NIGHT so I guess shes on drugs. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 | Exclaim! My son would not stop talking on the way home last night. The Charmin' Carmen (@Charmin_Carmen) January 11, 2023. My kids bathroom looks like their toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher. Parenting tip: For a teething infant, call grandma and tell her to pick up the kid. I can't stop laughing. Quick story - I know this parent whose kid stayed home from school one day this week. Edition Parenting funny tweets best parenting tweets The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (March 26-April 1) "It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?'" By Caroline Bologna Apr 1, 2022, 04:07 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I ask her if we beefin and she looks me in the eye and tells me she thinks that she's getting a little . I better not shout, I better not cry, I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time. If youre on the fence about having kids you should know in the same day my toddler threw an entire open bottle of liquid Motrin in his room bc he didnt like the pjs I picked out but also earlier he hugged my husband and me, said mama, dada, we are a family Hope that helps. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. This included the white fairy dust (baking soda). 5 paused the movie she was watching, handed me the remote and said while Im playing, you can watch something in case you were wondering whos in charge around here. My 5 year old squeezed my hand and said Daddy, I dont do busy and Ive never related to him more, Ive never met a better negotiator than a kid who doesnt want to go to sleep. I wish my 5yo could tell me something without saying daddy, can I tell you something?. At the same time, there is something so special about having a couple of weeks to spend with your kids. My kids won't stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we're watching Poltergeist. Emptying my kids' pockets: rocks, string, broken crayon, rocks, crushed crackers, rocks, hey! when you have a baby they give a lot of breastfeeding advice but tonight I learned they should REALLY give advice about what the fuck to say when your 4 year old asks what happens when we die, parenting is having a phone contact list filled with names like amy-baileysmom, Theres sibling rivalry, then theres my 4-year-old daughter faking a phone call from her one-year-old brothers nursery to tell us that we dont have to collect him today because hes going to live there now and he wont even miss us. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. It's adorable, but I do try to help him say the correct word. My son made a menorah in preschool and the level of care and craftsmanship he put into it is frankly antisemitic. The idea of them, especially when advertised on TV, is great: I'm into the promise of less sulking, more action, and a relatively positive attitude. I dont usually get to. #17 Wouldn't that be nice? To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. I have a teenager, a preteen, and a kindergartner. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Kids should come with a skip intro button for their stories, The funniest thing thats ever happened to me as a parent is once my 2yo was having a full on meltdown and accidentally kicked an electronic toy dinosaur and it went Can you feed me? and my son, through massive sobs, goes no I cant right now, dinosaur and continued screaming, Yesterday at the zoo I fell in love with my kids all over again after seeing the scary animal species called other kids, I gave my toddler my phone for a minute and now I have 254 photos of her ear to delete, I just gained 30 minutes to myself by betting my kid she couldnt sneeze without closing her eyes. Dads, on vacation: I wonder how much rain we got at home. I'm so proud. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 21, 2022) cheezburger.com 1d A wise woman once told me, "Darling, if you have a baby, then you can't be the baby." Whenever. Daddy, that chickens ghost is gonna haunt you for eating it, and other terrifying shit my 4yo casually says to me. I am sometimes shocked at how ungrateful my kids can act. Caroline Bologna Nov 11, 2022, 09:00 AM EST | Updated Nov 11, 2022 Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! October 14 someone i taught how. Lets see how this plays out. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! By Vish Khanna. It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. She wanted grandchildren, right? Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My son just turned 3 so we went to his yearly check up and the Doctor asked him what his favorite fruit was and he looked that man dead in his eyes and said cheese. Friends and guests of Finding Favorites are back to tell us about their favorite things from 2022. 6yo: I love you Me: I love you too!6yo: I wasnt talking to you I was talking to my donut. "'I better not shout, I better not cry, I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. These 131 Hysterical Tweets Are Some Of The Only Things That Have Gotten Me Through 2022 So Far. Good news: It seems like 3yos favorite song is no longer Cotton Eyed Joe.Bad news: Now its the Ghostbusters theme song. Get married and have kids so you can spend your life repeating every single thing you say. "Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice". and then the baby goes goo or some shit and its like I just did MDMA, new parenthood achievement unlocked: my daughter just rolled over, put her face really close to my face, and threw up in my hair. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: January 13, 2022. Well, for now. Ppl w babies: I dont see why people stop traveling when they have kids! #1 You won't. Start packing. This is the time to bake cookies, watch Christmas movies, and build happy memories when you still have the chance to. every time we pass another car on the road. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. The new year was a new flood of email. I must be some type of ninja. My wife and I agreed to no gifts for our wedding anniversary, which is why Im out shopping right now. before becoming a parent i didn't know i could ruin someone's life by providing them with food, water, juice, clothes, entertainment and shelter for free. Not today, tho. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. Welcome to parenthood. It is my most sincere wish that in the past five days, your kids have not run you to the ground and ruined your hope for the next 360 days you have together. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! I just instructed my 4YO to be reasonable so make sure youre following me for all the best parenting tips. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 3, 2022) 11/3/2022 Like 1 Comment | 11 Being a parent during the days following Halloween is an insane exercise in self-control. Lose at least one shoe. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. The potato masher was stopping me from opening the drawer. I picked up some socks off the floor and my 4yo said, I was just going to do that. Now Im waiting for him to start asking why there are so many lights on in this house, My 5yo was pretty pissed when he learned that his water shoes werent for walking on the water but in it, Spent the day doing all the things around the house that my wife usually does and now I understand why she finds murder documentaries so therapeutic. My daughter Chewbacca, not so much. because it's not 13, 9 and 7. Look dad, that star is glitching.We used to call that twinkling but ok. My 5 yo lost her first tooth and wanted to bring her tooth fairy swag to school to flex on her friends. My kid just tried to win an argument with "Because I said so" and I had to break it to him that only parents get to win by saying that. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I honestly hate how true this proved to be. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 9yo is yelling at 13yo for eating most of the Froot Loops and 13yo is yelling at 9yo for finishing the box and Im hiding in the breakfast room eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and hoping they dont notice me because I dont want to share. People will tell you that childbirth is the most painful thing you can experience but after watching my toddler try to pick up peas with a fork I'm not so sure. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 15, 2022) To be a parent or to not be a parent. Just over 2 hours of updates around the community, the software, and the vision of Matt Mullenweg. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) 4 days ago Like Comments | 1 If you don't have a list on. My 6yo: There's no school on Friday because it's a teacher planning day. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. I hope my friends dont find out I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers. told someone i was 36 today. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. I tell all 3 of my kids that they are the password child. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. She asked if it's a name for goats. What I say: Stay out of trouble for 10 minutes while I shower.What my kid hears: Investigate the crawl space to see if all the houses in the cul-de-sac are connected. Janene #1 LOL that is every parent of a little kid right now ", You know youre getting old when your kids start referring to every old person they know as about your age. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Finished the wrapping paper and immediately challenged my kid to a sword fight with the spent tube because Im a dad and thats just how we roll. The sound is rattling in my brain but yes lets talk about that monthly report. My 7 yo just asked ME when was his birthdate. Thats weird, I thought. It's time to play "Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?". 97% of parenting is just saying "oh wow" to your kid when they do something totally not wow. This is a clip show with SO many great recomendations, most of which are in the show notes below. This episode is an entire recording of the livestream broadcast over YouTube including audience + listener questions. My son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow. [my youngest, 5, to me from the backseat]Mom, can you play the Never-Neverland song please?*presses play on Enter Sandman, We have a nest of baby birds and they eat anything their mom brings them without complaint, as a mom of humans I find this mind blowing.

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